Attractive Men Are Assholes

Upper right hand corner – We have attractive and nice types, the Captain America’s of the world.
Lower right hand corner – You have the attractive and not nice, for example that attractive mug shot guy.
Upper left hand corner – Here we have the unattractive, but nice. Kind of like treasure trolls.
Lower left hand corner – You don’t want to be in this quadrant. These guys are trolls and jerks.

Of course this is a gross over simplification, and there’s a lot of gray with definitions of nice and what’s attractive. I get it. But bear with me the purposes of this post.

Fact 1.) I think we can all agree attractive people are more desirable right? Desirable to bang, to date, and to marry.
Fact 2.) “Nice” people are also more desirable to date, and to marry. And “nice” is a bucket term for everything else that isn’t physical (funny, smart, charming, nice, and all the other qualities you look for in a mate).

So it makes sense that “attractive” and “nice” guys are in relationships right? Well at least they are more likely to be in relationships. I mean if I’m a girl and I meet an “attractive” AND “nice” guy, I’m going to try and wife him. Like so hard. So for those of you that started reading this post and were immediately offended because you consider yourself or your boyfriend attractive, this isn’t about you. In fact, if you are currently in a relationship with where one of you is an attractive male, congratulations, you MAY HAVE hit the “attractive” and “nice” guy jackpot.

So then, if attractive and nice guys are in relationships, then what’s left in the dating pool? Well as you can see from the chart above, that leaves the attractive jerks, the unattractive nice guys and the unattractive jerks. And yes, there are still diamonds in the rough, not every single nice and attractive guy is in a relationship. BUT it might be a fair assumption to state:

Fact 3.) Most (more than 50%) “attractive” and “nice” guys over 30 are in a relationship. MOST. Not all. But more than 50 percent.

Are you still with me? Or are you currently screaming at your computer scream about how wrong my assumptions and math are?


Fact 4.) If you are a female and attempting to a date a male over 30 that is “attractive”, there is a greater chance you will be dating someone that is “attractive” and not “nice” than there is of you dating someone that is “attractive” and “nice”. Statistically speaking.

And so why did I just do all that? A lot of my single female friends give me insights into their dating lives and ask for input, help or opinions. And honestly MY MIND IS BLOWN when I see some of their ridiculous interactions with these guys. Or when I hear about some of the absurd things that happen during the dates. I think to myself, HOW IS THIS MY COMPETITION!? And so I tried to figure out, how this was possible. How do all these guys seem to have the emotional intelligence of a rock? And so, as a man of science, and logic, I tried to figure out HOW the FUCK it was possible that a great percent of these guys my friends are going out with, are clowns.

And so the common theme was, yes, most of these guys are attractive. So I started there and worked backwards, and came up with the above theory as to why my friends seem to be having such awful luck with guys on match, okcupid and tinder.

Here’s the take away, I am not encouraging my friends, or you, to date un-attractive people. Like not at all. All of my friends deserve Hottie McHotties, for sure. All I’m saying is….good luck. There is ABSOLUTELY a chance you will meet a hot “nice” guy, absolutely. But, unfortunately there is a greater chance you will just meet another hot jerk, statistically speaking

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