If you’ve been dumped, I know that it can be a real challenge to get through the day. Suddenly you feel completely rejected and it seems like your entire world just got flipped upside-down. It’s enough to compel a lot of guys to try and get their ex back. But did you know that there are two common mistakes that you might be making?
The first is acting like a “nice guy.” The nice guy will go out of his way to please his girlfriend and make sure that she is happy. This may seem harmless enough, but to your girlfriend, you are being a complete doormat. This is not attractive and, in fact, it is setting you up to be taken advantage of by her. She may even string you along and get you to do favors for her while dangling the possibility of getting back together in front of you like a carrot on a stick.
The main problem with being a nice guy is that you are in essence collapsing emotionally to her needs. You put your own needs and feelings on the back burner to take care of her. All of this is going on while you are secretly thinking that if you take care of her desires and needs, that she will reciprocate and take care of you.
We both know that this strategy won’t work. If it did, chances are you wouldn’t be reading this right now. You need to take responsibility for your own emotional well-being first and not expect others to do it for you.
The second problem that guys have is doing the opposite of the nice guy thing. They become a “macho jerk.” They may think that becoming the opposite of the nice guy is the answer, but it isn’t. You see, while the nice guy may not take care of his own emotional needs, the macho jerk doesn’t do that either. He instead ignores them completely and puffs himself up in an effort to appear strong and unbreakable.
We both know that this isn’t true either. All people have a rich and colorful emotional spectrum and blocking out feelings of sadness, pain, regret, or heartache doesn’t make you strong. It makes you brittle and weak. You become a prisoner to your own beliefs about what you should be and how you should act.
Instead there is a third option and that is to ignore the entire dichotomy. If both extremes aren’t good for you, then trying to find a balance isn’t the answer. The answer is to just stop playing the game. You have to realize that trying to manage your emotions by hiding them or by denying them isn’t going to get you what you want.
If you want real emotional connection with your ex-girlfriend and you want to actually have a meaningful conversation with her, you have to drop the whole idea that you need to act or be a certain way and just drop in and have a genuine and authentic conversation with her. When she realizes that you’ve dropped all the junk, she’ll be much more likely to open up to you.